only me failed at long distance love...

it was quite shocked for me to see the picture of peter and tomoko. i didn't even know that they were together, but it was not only that. actually they were holding a baby and peter was wearing a ring on his wedding finger. I was sure that she got pregnant and got shotgun married. further more, I knew that Marc and Yoshi couple and monchac and Emanuel couple are still together. In Delta, there were many couples who were from different countries. And secretly I assumed Martin and I were one of the closest and serious couples. Unfortunately we ended our relationship in a year, thus I suspected that most couples were same. But eric is still visiting Yoko even she has a boyfriend, and Tigan seems to be with Franky, in fact most couples are still together. I feel really ashame that I couldn't trust him, probably I can hardly trust anyone. I said 'if you think of someone seriously, you can defeat the distance between you and your love.' Actually it was me who didn't believe what I said and always doubt 'love'. Maybe because I thought I loved Yocchin and Martin, but it was not true. I still don't know what love is. I'm scared to be told 'I love you', because I don't know what he means. Martin didn't have any girlfriend before me. He isn't popular among girls. and he loved me for sure. why couldn't i just trust him? why i was so afraid of being taken by another girl? Now I have a boyfriend and I'm thinking about him a lot, so even we are far away, I will not try to look for new boy or be able to think about another one. I'm very weak. I always try to stop the relationship in case he stops it. many couples from delta proved that long distance love is actually working. even emanuel went to back to france and there are so many atractive girls, still he is dating monchac. i always look outside of people and think almost all of girls are better than mine. I hate myself, I think I'm ugly and bad personality. i don't know why some boys can fall in love with me, and I think they will notice that I'm shallow and they stop loving me. What should i do to be loved for long time? why martin lost his feeling on me?